The Dreaming

(you might notice that I’m rather fond of beginnings)

…this beginning is to help you figure better navigate this blog. The site just lists all entries in one page in reverse chronology – but the thing is that the entries really have no chronological sequence (or logical anything else for that matter). So my advice is…

Pick a category from the lil’side bar over there ———->

“Randomness” – if you’re in search of randomness or “Which is Verse” if you’re undecided

I invite you to rest awhile – leave your mental illnesses behind – and take away a thought or two (those are free) but please don’t take away the poems… they’re not much – but they’re all I got

thanks!

Was browsing through the web awhile back researching an article I was writing on virtual pet sites. I registered with a couple of them, so as to give me a better idea of what its all about and what kind of parameters need to be considered when evaluating them. At the end of my week of research I found myself hurriedly un-subscribing from all of them… EXCEPT for ONE. I found the site to be addictive in more than merely the games and quests - but addictive because of the community (and perhaps even more importantly the ’sense of community) that had developed within its frame.

Marapets ( www.marapets.com/refer.php?id=docmorpheus ) was the only virtual pets site that I found to strike the happy medium that made it appealing children, adolescents and adults alike. It has managed to develop society where young and no so young can mix seamlessly and yet, if they so desired, choose to associate with people within their age group or mindset. I for one (being quite the peter pan) enjoy bantering with young and old from various time zones and cultures around the world.

As far as security is concerned - I found the site to be a very safe place for younger users (word filters and moderators keep chat spaces well guarded). Also I have (as far as I can tell) not received any spam from the site or any of its partners and I find that very reassuring.

So if you want to have a fun and very chilled out virtual pet experience… come over to www.marapets.com/refer.php?id=docmorpheus and look me up… I’m Docmorpheus… but you can just call me Doc ;]

The Peruvian Penguins percolate poppy
Practically pampering visiting Pekinese Possums;
Though parsimoniously passing the pecans,
Possibly as popping is more Peruvian than percolation.

(Copyright 2006 - DocMorpheus)

(to the tune of WINTER WONDERLAND)

“Church bells ring… are u listening? Mum’s all mad – she’s insisting ‘You gotta get WED, before I am dead! A proposal really ain’t that bad.’”

Ok – so the parody sucked! I was just attempting to get creative with a most uninspiring topic. Proposals! (The marital kind)

Over the last few months the situation seems to have reached crisis proportions, as far as I can tell (no… that’s not true at all, it’s just that I’m becoming more aware of such incidents). From 20 year old friends up – NO ONE seems to be safe from this family and community terrorism.

January must be one of the worst months for these acts of terror – ‘cos I’d wager that many mothers put the betrothal of their fledglings on their list of New Year’s priorities (yes… I’m talking primarily about Asian communities here).

Good thing I’m such a disagreeable crank – so I didn’t have too much trouble with thwarting all such plans relating to me. It pains me though to see so many afflicted sorely by it and what’s worse – some don’t seem to think they have any option but to play along.

Everything from a string (or sometimes even a single) of failed relationships to the desire to conform to sheer apathy to insecurity to escapism – seems to be sighted as good enough reasons to give (or allow) someone else the weighty responsibility to chose your mate.

While I’m mortified by the thought – I am often told that I judge it too harshly and that there are many advantages to this way of doing things. Personally the best reason I can think of, is that when your marriage becomes a statistic (counseling, separation, divorce, etc…) you can make yourself feel better by convincing yourself that you didn’t pick badly or were foolishly blinded by love. You have a great scapegoat in those who twisted your arm in the ‘arranged’ direction.

I think the chances of you screwing up a marriage are pretty big anyway – so why not at least give yourself enough credit and emancipation to even ‘cook your own goose’ if it comes down to that.

In the dark on bended knee
I pray the Lord to rescue me
The Sun she rises, so do I
The Lord does spy with wearisome eye
For I to darkness do now creep
Then pray, the Lord my soul to keep

(Copyright 2006 - DocMorpheus)

Goodness me! I thought I had another whole year to fritter away and then I turned around and January was already done. Now I’m suddenly all attentive just trying to make sure I catch at least a glimpse of February.

I started the year armed with a list of New Year’s resolutions, which I actually bothered to type out and save (a first for me). Then rather ominously my computer crashed (as did some of my resolutions) and destroyed all evidence of the document’s existence.

Now that may not sound like a big deal – but the document was a valuable one. I had actually been honest with myself and what I wanted for my life, and I’d had the good sense to make a record of it. With it gone, it was like a second chance at forgetting it all and living “the good life” (a nice way of saying a meaningless mindless pleasure rut).

It’s really only in that short period from the last week of December to the second week of January, where change is really longed for. The rest of the time I’m either too tired & stressed out to think about it or the system has me drugged on the decadence.

Change would do me good.

Everything holds me back.

Time – Money – People – Material possessions – Work – Pleasure – Duty… ME!

Yes, it comes down to me – stand here on the edge of February – looking down at change – then back to my little comfort zone – then back again.

People pause to banter – a few push me on – most invite me over for a drink and tell me I should stop thinking about it too much.

But I’m still here at the edge… looking…

Will I jump????

Stay tuned!

The distant whirring of some demon machine
Always there, lurking, waiting to prey
Upon the quieter moments, grudging me respite
To walk yesterday over in my mind, stumbling
Inevitably just there, no longer an accident
If not there, perhaps somewhere else
Someone else, cannot know or understand
Its precision, or why that whirring, so distant
So pleasurable, in its disturbance, shatters
Like I did yesterday, without even a word
Spoken softly or screamed, in desperation
Perhaps, it wasn’t yesterday, just a recollection
Punishing me for sins not perceived,
Not heard, like last week, that whirring
Drowned to an inaudible hum, like myself
On cheap wine and words of lust, whispered
Nightly in tones of mistrust, feigned innocence
To the masses, walking away careless in conversations
Bruising old injuries, thoughtless or conversely full
Should I care, could they, stop the whirring
And my heart, does it matter anymore
I long to relive it, knowing as I do now
That stumbling, tumbling with life, inevitable
Like the morning, pushing that whirring, further
But not ever away, lest I forget yesterday

(Copyright 2006 - DocMorpheus)

where does it all end…

Robots were created by man that he might experience the joy and pain of creation.

The joy at having shared the sentience that he possesses with the hereto non-existent or unintelligent.

The pain of experiencing the ultimate betrayal, that of a creation to its creator – an object of love to its lover.

where does it all end…

Must the life on planet Earth come full circle for the creation to at last be cognizant of its place in the Universe?

Must humanity learn what it means to be human through the desire of its creations for absolute independence?

where does it all end…

If God created man and man created robot – what is the relationship between God and robot?

If Lucifer schemed the rebellion of man to steal from the glory and worship due to God, then would humanity be guilty of a similar charge if they create robots to serve and glorify them?

Badly tarred streets wet with human odour
And an accidental step into a puddle of life
Splashes the night’s cold putrid water
On the faded blue of some rip-off jeans
As eyes adjust to the irregular neon light

The bar was crowded with sweaty flesh
Of what seemed to be questionable gender
She sized me up and dragged me over
With the promise of some sordid delights
Soon a beer began to sweat in my palm

Bars, bitches and booze sank right on in
And the pit of my stomach was retched
Yet I kept on indulging the demon within
Wielding the power of the Sacred Dollar
My anonymity and virtue were assured

From the pubs of dizzying decadence
To the hallowed walls of the hotel room
The flesh just seemed to follow me
My charm could not be broke
Not with all the pretty ugliness around

More booze to ease my conscience
As I plunged into the long night
No innocence to lose I figured
Yet each hard fuck sucked me deeper
Into a vacant mindless abyss

Until there was nothing more to feel
Pattern replacing want in this nothingness
Consumed with lust my body gave out
Saving waves of sleep washed over me
And with them not a single dream

(Copyright 2006 - DocMorpheus)

For the first time in my life I’m going to have to be the one waving my parents goodbye as they sally forth to explore the exotic lands of the white people. But I’m not happy – I’m too worried for them.

I don’t know if they’ll be able to handle the luggage. They were too old to get travel insurance – so I really really pray that they don’t fall sick. There is a good chance that they’ll misplace something… I hope it isn’t their passports. It really making me panic – because they’re so much like children - they’re just not street smart – they’re too trusting – they’re not alert. No one will quite understand how they should be taken care of in a strange country…and my sister who they are going to visit – will likely be to busy to pay them much attention.

WOW! What a classic role reversal for a 27 year old spoilt brat!

I think back on all those times I looked incredulously at my mother when she would be terrified that I wouldn’t be able to look after myself – running off just like that, on some interesting foreign assignment or the other. Then she’d call to make sure I reached all the stopovers. Then call the hotel to make sure I reached. Then call me everyday to make sure I was feeling alright and hadn’t been mugged.

And here am I, as much a nervous wreck as she used to be. But there is a difference. The difference is that they aren’t happy about going anywhere without my brother or myself… and had begged us a million times to accompany them. However our commitments to our career simply would not let us run off with them for a month. So that makes it all the worse.

Age is a terrible thing – it eventually cripples the most independent of us… and the ones who weren’t so independent to begin with get hit by middle-age – I reckon.

The other funny part of my whole situation is that I am still so totally spoilt – my mum and dad look after me TOTALLY! From packing my daily lunch and making up my bed to making me eat my breakfast and take in at least some sort of spiritual food every week as well.

So I had to sit down and examine my motives for feeling worried about them running off on a little world tour. After much thought and critical self-analysis though – I can with a clear conscience say that it isn’t cos I’m going to miss being spoilt… it just cos I’m going to miss them and I don’t want anyone else (my sister included) to start getting too attached

They’d better be coming home to me and FAST!

“what’s for dinner mother dear?”

And I hadn’t even done it for ‘twas still but a thought
Yet I hear my mother chide me
For as long as there are memories of what life has brought
Stinging her chastisements shall be

The time I ran on gravel ground and slipped alas - and fell
Injuring both pride and knee
A caring hand and scolding tongue did more than make me well
I now tread the gravel wearily

Before I broke my first sweet heart she had some premonition
And warned me of the costs
Not that I took heed then but I remember well her intuition
In time to learn my loss

Moral standards bible truths she dished out with the dinner
The latter far more palatable
Yet the words drilled in nightly often help to save this sinner
While he walked paths deplorable

Even as a full-grown man I daily heard her tireless preaching
On nights spent in decadence
I gave it ear but judged that I could better phrase the teaching
And often chose independence

But now I find I heed her words most when she is not around
When the conscience pricks
Even things that I would first ignore lingered waiting to be found
Those principles would stick

O’mothers who fret and fear but hold back your cautioning tongue
You lost before you started
But those who daily preach the word to their daughters and their sons
Rejoice for truths imparted

(Copyright 2006 - DocMorpheus)

Once upon a time in a far away land
There lived a Princess whose thoughts were grand
Her heart was gold
A metal cold
She’d sold her soul
For a mink stole
Complexion of honey, mind of wit
Men would bow as she would flit
Twisting round her littlest finger
Any who might choose to linger
But her crystal ball of pure truth
Took her beyond the veils, back to her youth
When a heart full of love beat at her breast
And her interest in people was more than for jest
She laughed as she saw how much she’d grown
But the reflection in the crystal cried all alone
The vision clouded – she reached out to hold
But too late the crystal was already cold
The icy Northwind through her chamber had swept
Swirling the Autumn leaves where she slept
The Summer but a memory – the Winter stood in line
And Spring would come not again – not in this lifetime

(Copyright 2005 - DocMorpheus Publications)

What is it about serious relationships, that they are able to successfully transform perfectly nice friends into horrible bickering couples? I’ve seen caring; thoughtful; well mannered guys turn into sorry excuses for human beings – taking on almost predator like or exploitative behaviour. Intelligent, vivacious, women of the world turned into snivelling martyred half-wits. Gentle, loving and otherwise kind girls becoming deranged insecure maniacs. Damn… it’s enough to put you off relationships for life.

Being altogether too narcisstic to fall prey to relationships for too long or for that matter too often, I’m glad to be wholly free of such torment.

BAH! I lie! I crave it – although that shall never be admitted or even hinted at in public. It is only a select few who actually are happily able to do without. The rest of us are either wondering when we’ll step into the next one; manage to jump out of whatever one we are in; feeling sorry for ourselves that we ended up here but are so good in the martyr role that it seems a shame to change anything; looking confused that things ended the way they did – when it all seemed PERFECT last week; biding time till something better comes along; living in denial or living in hope. (I may have missed a few – you’re welcome to help fill in any gaps).

Perhaps my view is too jaded – there must be some perfectly happy couples out there (though the odds of that are pretty close to that of the Loch Ness monster and Bigfoot holding a press conference together next week in Cairo).

I’m not so impressed by the lovey-dovey starry eyed couples who are still walking around with their rose tinted glasses on. What seriously impresses me, are the couples who have been together through some rough times and some good ones – and who have learnt to really LOVE. Not the tits and ass kind of love or the heart-skip-a-beat type either (what the Greeks called Eros) but true love that can only be built over years of sticking it out and learning to appreciate each others good qualities, identifying and putting up with each others shortcomings, realizing that they work much better together than they would as individuals and adhering to a set of common principles (most often built on a solid foundation – such as God’s advice).

Well I think I’ve ranted on long enough… so I’ll take a breather now and go contemplate life over a cold glass of water.

Alone and restless on the cold veranda steps
Gazing upon deserted hills of manicured tea
The smell of the evening mist came wafting
Framing in shadow an empty shell that was me

The house was clean and well lived in once
But now abandon to the people of the mist
And I an invader of this estate stood still
A single malt clasped firmly in my fist

There was no sunset here just impending dark
No sound of life stirred these damned hills
Just my irregular breaths raspy and laboured
The scotch barely warding off a chill

The candle by my side battles the wind bravely
Perhaps taking courage from my presence here
An injured window loses and flings wide open
With the night comes the added smell of fear

What shall unfold as the midnight approaches
Is not a fantasy that I should care to predict
I hear them now less faintly as they gather
And turn in prayer my soul for to elicit

If I should wake tomorrow to the sunlight
And look upon this world yet once again
Then I’d know that deep within this emptiness
At least a shadow of a child of God remains

(Copyright 2005 - DocMorpheus Publications)

And so here we are… beginning in the middle (of I wish I knew what).

It’s as good a place to start as any I suppose, especially considering that I am likey to abandon and return to this space with some frequency. So be prepared for a journey full of middles and I’ll let you make up the beginning and the end.

I’m a self-confessed day dreamer (possibly because I’m nocturnal) and in this space I intend to not merely explore castles in the air, but also to rant at humanity; marvel at creation; indulge in pet peeves and pleasures; have some food for thought picnics and thank God for…. ummmmm…. everything really.

But before I actually begin… it’s already lunch time and there’s a rumbling in my tummy that is telling me that I have other priorities in life at the moment.

So bye for now!

DocMorpheus